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Sample Dating and Relationship Questions* |
Question:
I just came home from an unbelievable date. I thought she was perfect for me- smart, funny and great looking. But, I really couldn't tell if she was interested in me. She was very hard to read. At first I thought she liked me, but now I am questioning myself. I don't want to be too aggressive and scare her away. Is calling tomorrow too soon? Tomorrow is Thursday and I want to ask her out for the weekend. Rick
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Answer:
Rick, thanks for writing! It's a lot of fun to come home from a date and still be excited. To answer your question, of course you can call your date tomorrow to tell her that you had a fantastic time. Every woman likes to hear that a guy enjoyed spending time with her- it is very flattering regardless of her interest. There is no such thing as calling too soon. Chances are that if your date liked you she won't be looking at the clock, and if she isn't interested in you then it wouldn't matter if you waited 5 minutes or 5 days to call her. Push all doubt aside, as you do not want her to sense any anxiety or insecurity when you call.
While it's natural to doubt whether she is interested in you (and she may not be), you should think positively. The more positive you feel, the more confident and attractive you will appear. It may also be helpful to keep in mind that just because you'd like to see her this weekend, it doesn't mean that she is necessarily available.
If she says yes, wonderful. If she says no, listen to her response and determine if she is saying no to you or saying no to the date you suggested. If she says that the timing is not good, try not to be too disappointed and realize that she might really like you but not be able to see you this weekend. If this is the case, suggest an alternate date. In the event that she is not interested in seeing you again, be gracious and understanding as you would hope a woman would react when you decline a date because you didn't feel a spark.
Good luck with the call. Let your date know that you had a great time and would like to see her again. Remember to remain positive and flexible. Good luck! econfidant
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Question:
I've been dating Jenny for nine months. I really love her and know that she's a great catch. But, I can't stop thinking about other women- especially good looking ones at work and on the train or when I am out with friends at the bars. I know I want to settle down one day, but I just don't know if that time is now because of how attracted I am to other girls. Can you give me some advice? Ed
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Answer:
Ed, Thanks for writing- I can see why you are very conflicted. This is a difficult situation that both men and women often face. One perspective is that people tend to want what they don't have. If you are single, you want to be in a relationship; and if you are involved with someone then you crave the freedom that singles enjoy. Another reason you may be interested in other women is because these women are flawless in your mind- you don't know them or their imperfections. But, after two months of dating Ms. Perfect you very likely will get bored with her, and find yourself in this same situation thinking about other attractive women. Either way, you have to figure out if it is just human nature that is causing your eyes to wander or whether you are feeling like your current relationship is causing you dissatisfaction in some way.
Whether you like it or not, relationships take some work and aren't always easy. Making compromises, realizing that she's not always going to see things your way, and yes, accompanying her to yet another wedding are all part of being in a healthy relationship. You tell me that you really love Jenny, and focusing on the reasons why you love her will make it easier to leave that hot woman at work or in the bar. It is perfectly normal to find other women attractive- even when you are in a committed relationship. The key is to never act on those thoughts.
The second issue you mention is whether you are ready for a commitment with Jenny. This is a very serious decision. Consider why you are with Jenny, are they genuine reasons? Every relationship moves at a different pace, and you should not feel the pressure to move forward with Jenny before you are ready. If you take the next step for the wrong reasons, you will end-up resenting Jenny and feeling frustrated. If you have made the commitment to date exclusively, that is the first step. With each next step, things become more challenging and you need to make sure that moving forward is what you want right now rather than what you want some day. Imagine your life a few months from now, do you see Jenny playing a major role in your life? Now imagine your life in a year- are you and Jenny still together? Consider the alternative- can you picture your life without Jenny? How would you feel if she was no longer part of your life?
Only you can decide what timing is correct for you. Noticing an attractive woman is perfectly natural, and not necessarily a reason to end a loving relationship. There is also nothing wrong with needing more time to make the commitment to settle down, but it is essential that you are honest with yourself and make decisions based on your true feelings. Communication is key; think about your feelings and be honest with Jenny so that you have a mutual understanding of each others' expectations. Best of luck, econfidant
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Question:
I have been using an online dating service for about a year now. I've gone out with several men over the past year, but nothing has worked. This week, I had a date planned with someone for next week and then three days later he wrote me back to tell me that Òhe found someone to date seriously so he can't go out with me.Ó Am I cursed? What is wrong with me? I'm being proactive, yet even that doesn't work. I haven't had a good date in months, even though I am very social. What can I do? Jane
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Answer:
Jane, I understand your frustration with online dating - you are not alone! In fact, most serious online daters share your frustration and disappointment. I assure you that you are NOT cursed. But you have touched upon one of the realities of online dating: the men you contact are likely to be chatting with or dating several people at once. While that is the nature of online dating, it's a good thing! It means that you can be doing the same and meeting as many people as you'd like. You have made the commitment to date online. Consider setting a goal for yourself of emailing 5 new people each week to increase your chances of meeting someone you like.
Although any rejection stings, please remember that the real you has not been rejected, only your two dimensional profile. Also, how do you know that you wouldn't have rejected him after going out with him once? There is someone out there who will treat you well and take the time to get to know the real you. You are doing a fantastic job of being proactive, don't stop now! Keep me posted, econfidant
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Question:
I am now single after being in a serious relationship for several years. My friends are bugging me to start going out more and to start dating again. I just would rather stay home and not have to deal. It's bad enough that I still miss my ex-boyfriend even though I know he was wrong for me, but now I feel the pressure to get back out there right away. Any advice? Whitney
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Answer:
Whitney, thanks for sending in your question. I can certainly appreciate how you must be feeling. I know it would be a lot easier if your friends would just back-off and let you go at your own pace.
First, I applaud you for getting out of a relationship that was not right for you. Often, that is the hardest part. As for getting out there again, you must move at your own pace. For some, a week is enough to heal from the pain of a break-up, while others take months if not years before they are ready to start over again. What is important to remember is that your friends are encouraging you to get back out there because they genuinely care about you and your happiness. My guess is that there is a part of you that is a little bit ready to re-enter the dating world which is why you wrote to me, but I understand that it is a scary undertaking.
It is difficult to get back out there. It is much easier to watch tv on your couch and mourn your last relationship. When you are ready to get back in the dating scene, dating online is a great option because you can control how proactive you want to be and you can certainly test the waters without telling your friends. Another option is to combine doing something you know you like with the opportunity to meet someone. For example, if you like to play tennis- join a singles league, try something new and take a photography class, or volunteer with a charitable organization. And, of course, occasionally going out for a drink with those friends who are anxious to get you off your couch is a good idea. In the meantime, ask your friends to be patient with you and supportive of your choices.
You deserve to be in a happy relationship, and the sooner you get back out there, the sooner you will find one. Start slowly if need be, but enjoy! Meeting new people can open the doors for a relationship with someone who is right for you. Good luck and keep me posted, econfidant
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